you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
