I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize