What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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