Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
