I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
