I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
