Just fell off a train. Bad.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
