he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
