dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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