yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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