No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
