i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry about my life...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?