8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?