in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
