ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
