God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
