There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
