I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
