Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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