when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
