Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this boner is exhausting
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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