I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
