yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
