remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
