I am spending my child support on dildos
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
