I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
