did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
