I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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