we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
