Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i came on her dog
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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