Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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