I love black thongs
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
