can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
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Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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