idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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