Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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