I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
