could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
