after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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