We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
