I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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