I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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