a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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