I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize