I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
