Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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