The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
