conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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