drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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