ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
