Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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