Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
