Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
