I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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