I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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