My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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