Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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