Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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