She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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