This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
