He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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