Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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