I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
